1) So what's it gonna be?


Decide on your attitude – a positive attitude can make all the difference. If you view dating or finding your soul-mate as a nagging problem that has yet to be resolved – you effectively close down access for increased possibilities to come in. By adopting an attitude of optimism you create space for broader thinking and infinite possibilities.


2) What I really want is.


What is your primary aim for dating or in attracting a soul-mate? Define with clarity what your purpose is. Clarity is what brings balance between hope and fear. List 50 qualities you most want in a long-term relationship. Check-mark those qualities that are non-negotiable.


3) What's important?


Get clear about your personal values. What is most important to you about how you live your life? Your values are your personal operating system. Use them as your decision making tool – which includes evaluating if a relationship is right for you or not.


4) Yep – that's me!


What makes you happy? What lights you up? What is the passion that fuels your dreams? What are your strengths? What are your needs? Know yourself better than you know anyone else. When you can easily and confidently talk about "who you are" you become a magnet for what you want most AND people will help you get it – because you have told them! You know that feeling of satisfaction when you help someone get what they want? Well others want to help you too! The clearer you are about what you want – the more others understand and can help you get it.


5) Ahhhhh.extreme self-care – it's a wonderful thing!


Take care of you first! Do things that make you happy and make you feel good. Create reserves! When you are happy and healthy you have more to share with others.


6) Thank you for being my friend.


Get positive support. Assemble a group of amazing friends who want the best for you and will be there to remind you how amazing you are. Having supportive, positive people in your life is crucial to calling forth the best in you.


7) Who's that and what are they saying?


Others will be your mirror. Try to be conscious of your feelings and when you feel a "charge". If you are happy and having great fun – look for the mirror that person is holding up – the reflection is likely those qualities about yourself that you enjoy most. Likewise, if you are not happy with the reflection and feel a negative charge, look for the mirror. How do those qualities show up in you? Awareness creates choice.


8) Bye, Bye Excess Baggage


Let go of the past. Be emotionally available for a healthy, happy relationship to come into your life. If you are holding on to past hurts or past relationships that you wished you'd handled differently – let them go. They are over. You have a chance to start anew and get exactly what you really desire.


9) You are so fascinating!


You had a life before you started dating, which may even be what attracted your mate to you. Don't lose yourself in a new relationship and forget about your friends and all the things you enjoy doing. Keep doing things that interest you and find things you enjoy doing as a couple.


10) So that's what that was about.


Be in relationship learning mode at all times. What patterns of behavior show up in your relationships? Examine all that didn't work and look for new ways to behave your way to healthy, happy relationships.






This piece was originally submitted by Jane Johnson, a certified life coach who has experienced the world of internet dating. After a nearly 20 year hiatus from dating, she immersed herself in the activity. The following are tips from her observations, interviews and personal experiences. You can reach her at www.doingcoolstuff.com